What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
