Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
