Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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