I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
