you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
