remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
