Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
