she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
