It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
this hospital has no fireball
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
