there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
