Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
