in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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