I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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