Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
