now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
