Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
