i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
