the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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