we have officially lost it.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
