I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
