Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
