Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
