And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
