I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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