Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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