xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
