Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
