i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
