So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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