I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Soap is not a condiment
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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