hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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