That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
