i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dear god my vagina.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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