FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
