the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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