He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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