Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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