Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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