am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
