i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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