Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
