No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
