wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
