I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
