I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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