Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
