Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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