It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
