Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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