No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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