I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
