dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
