The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
