i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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