either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
