Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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